Running Into Figure Six

A panic attack is a sudden period of intense anxiety, mounting physiological arousal, fear, stomach problems and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms

I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation between Gerald and I even after a few hours.

He had asked me why I left everything behind, and I had not been able to provide an answer, because even I don’t really know.

I was tempted to call him back but I decided to text instead ‘Gerald, I’m coming home, say next week or next month. Please don’t go back to your whore yet, don’t every try to break up with me too, or you’re going to be killing dad twice. Please wait for me while I find my way back. I’m really coming back soon. I miss you just as much, I promise” but I could not hit the send button.

All of a sudden, I began to think about what would happen to me if Gerald told me he could no longer cope with our long-distance relationship, and that we should call it quits.

Would I go back home or let him break up with me?

I didn’t realize how much I had been thinking about this until my eyes strayed towards the clock.

It was already 10:30 and I did not even have lunch. I got up, and slipped into a pair of baggy pants and my tank top anf went out into my balcony.

There was still no notes in my doorknob, no sight of my annoying neighbour either.

His front door was still locked, with no lights in his windows, and I didn’t have his mobile number. His car was not outside too.

I knew almost nothing about him.

For some reason, my palms started to water and I couldn’t breathe. I managed to walk into my kitchen to get some water but it did not help. Good Lord, no. NOT NOW, PLEASE .

My heart was racing, and it was as if my brain and my heart were arguing about whether to panic or not, whether to be still or not.

I was already totally drained before the could reach for more water, so i grabbed my table for support. I tried to calm myself but I started to cry instead and it grew worse.

My mother’s words began to ring in my ears and tears rushed down my panic-stricken eyes. you can’t do anything right. You are too clingy, always needing someone for every chore. That’s too bad.

You are a needy brat. Needy. Needy. Needy.

Damning mom’s belligerent voice in my head, I rushed back into my room and dialed Jessie’s number without thinking twice.

She was used to this. Sometimes, it felt like she knew me more than i knew myself. She always knew what to do to make me relax.

I called her line but everything went into voicemail. I called the fifth time before dropping my phone on the bed, trying my best to rub away the tightness in my chest. Gratefulness washed through me when she called back three minutes later.

“Classy! What happened? I left my phone with Brad”

“Je.. Jess” that was all i could manage, and all she needed to figure out my predicament

“Okay, Relax, don’t panic. All you need do is think of that pool where we used to play when we were eleven.

Remember the ambience? How you talked about the water being naturally too perfect- not hot, not too cold, huh? Imagine me nudging you to come with me to swim in it because we want to have a bath and have fun now. Do you feel better?”

“I’m fine” I broke out of my episode faster than before. Magically.

“That’s good. How about we stay up tonight talking about how Brad wore my yellow floral dress, and my wig to our family dinner last week?”

I couldn’t help laughing. I didn’t know if it was true that her fiancé really did appear at their dinner in her dress and wig, or it was just Jessie’s way of calming me, but it made me have something to look up to for the weekend, and temporarily forget about the hunger in my stomach and the temporary disappearance of my kind neighbour.

“I like that. I’ll be waiting for your call or text”

“Not until you eat supper, Classy. Promise me you’ll text me only after you eat something ” she said

“I promise” I surrendered

“That’s my best friend” she said, hanging up.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

I guess I’m not the only one feeling a connection with a loved one.