Chapter 62 A Dagger To The Heart
Chapter 62 A Dagger To The Heart
Jacob
As I watched her leave, I crumbled from within. It took every ounce of strength to resist the urge to rush to her and admit that every word I had uttered was nothing but a fucking lie. Just fucking lies I made sound like the only truth.
Fuck...
The way she had stood at my doorstep, wearing that delicate white dress, her hair still slightly damp, eyes reddened, and the traces of the previous night's turmoil etched on her face- it broke me. She seemed so fragile and broken, as if the gentlest touch might shatter her further.
What had I done? Damn it!
A defeated sigh escaped my lips. The memory of her tear-stained face, the pain in her eyes, and the tremor in her voice haunted my thoughts. I had already hurt her deeply, and now, with the hurtful words I had spoken, I knew I had pushed her far away. I had set fire to the bridge that connected me to my life, my dreams, my peace, and everything I held dear.
She had been the only light I'd ever found in this dark existence, and I had just extinguished it. But, I had to do it, to make it easier for her to move on. "Shit, Danica, You fucked me up pretty bad," I cursed, running my fingers through my hair.
I could hardly catch my breath at this point. She looked utterly broken. Even the faintest hint of the smile that had always adorned her beautiful face was absent. Her eyes had spoken volumes, even though she hadn't said a word. I could sense every emotion she must have felt, every ounce of pain and anger.
I just broke the most perfect thing I had ever found.
She was everything I had ever longed for in this life. Before her, things were good, but they were far from perfect. I went through life, laughing and passing the days like any other, but after her... I felt complete. I had a reason to keep living, to cherish someone.
She was my missing piece... goddamn it!
So why did I push away the one person I had ever truly loved from the depths of my heart?
Because... she deserved better.
Yeah I know it's a stupid reason but, that was it. Just it!
She didn't deserve to spend her life merely tending to the wounds of my past. She deserved someone better than me, someone who wouldn't leave her with regret, someone who was simply right for her. She shouldn't have to spend her entire life untangling the mess of my past. She was young, with so much left to explore in this world. Perhaps, while this relationship had become the sole purpose of my life, it would eventually become just a distant memory for her as she moved forward with her own life.
Yes, I was a coward. I couldn't bear the thought of her looking back one day and regretting choosing someone like me.
I did not have the courage to be her regret...because I knew what it was like to have one.
My life was a labyrinth of fucked-up memories and hidden traumas, ready to pounce on me when I least expected it. Why would I ever want the person I loved to constantly tiptoe around my emotional landmines?NôvelDrama.Org content rights.
No, I couldn't do that to her. Yet, it was excruciatingly difficult to stay away from her. The memory of her face, the warmth of her breath, the silky touch of her skin against mine-how could I ever grow accustomed to not having her in my arms?
I knew I couldn't live without her, but I also had compelling reasons to keep my distance. She stood to lose more than I did if we ended up together, and sooner or later, it might lead her to regret her choices. I was painfully aware of the burden of regret, how it could hang over your shoulder for a lifetime, a constant weight on your heart.
In some twisted way, Danica was right...
Evelyn would lose more staying with me than just without me.
Flashback:
"So, Jacob, where do you think we should start?" Danica crossed her arms over her chest, her irritation evident as we stood at the end of the long corridor. She had every right to be upset, "Are you gonna start with the explaining shit now or just admit that you fucked up?"
Well, it's certainly going to take some time to explain, especially given that Danica is fucking pisseed.
"I'm not going to deny what I've
done, Danica," I said, moistening my
lips and tucking my hands into my pockets. "I know it may seem wrong, but I just can't help it. I know you already know the rest, so I just want to tell you that...none of it was planned, okay? None expected it- none of us. It just happened, naturally, almost out of control," I sighed, "And, Evelyn and I...we're in love, and that's all that matters to me-making her happy, keeping her close to me, and ensuring nothing and no one can hurt her."
God, I must have sounded like a complete jerk in Danica's eyes. After all, she and I had been friends since college, just like I was with Samuel. Having an affair with her daughter behind her back without showing any sign of remorse was certainly the act of a complete asshole.
But I didn't care. All I knew was that no matter what I lost, I wasn't going to let go of my Evelyn. Not for anyone.
"Are you even listening to yourself, Jacob?" Danica glared at me, her anger palpable, "I can't believe you. That's my fucking daughter, for heaven's sake, Jacob. You watched her grow up, and now you're screwing with her behind our backs? Aren't you ashamed? Did you even consider how much it would hurt Samuel if he found out about this? Have you even thought about the consequences before getting into this shit?!"
Well, I had....but in the end, I ended up surrendering everything to Evelyn. She made me lose it by barely doing anything at all.
It was true that I felt guilty about what I'd done behind Samuel's back, but I didn't regret a single moment with Evelyn. How could anyone regret having a woman like her by their side?
"I am listening, Danica, and yes, I thought about Samuel, but I couldn't stop myself. Sometimes, shit happens! We have no control over it. I love her, and yes, before you ask, I'm deadly serious about her. I'm not just fooling around; you know I'd never do that."
"You won't do that?" She let out a bitter laugh. "Jacob, you've already done much worse, and this... this is even worse than that. She's... God, I don't even know what to say to you." Danica sighed in frustration, "She's so much younger than you, and she's naive and young. What has she even seen about the world? She
can't distinguish between what's right for her and what's wrong at this age. She's simply acting on her instincts and desires that will eventually fade. But you, you should have been wiser, or at least taken a step back before allowing it to go this far. It's just plain wrong."
"What's wrong with me being with Evelyn, Danica? I just don't get it."
"You know exactly what's wrong, Jacob. You damn well know it."
Yes, I did. But I didn't think those reasons mattered, even though Danica believed otherwise.
"Those reasons don't matter to me. All I care about is that I can make Evelyn happy, and there's nothing in this world I want more than to see her happiness. I know what we did may seem wrong from some perspectives, but at the same time, it's not. If I were just some other dude, not Samuel's best friend, would you react the same way?"
"But you're not just some other dude, Jacob! You're Samuel's best friend, the person he trusts more than anyone else. Fuck, he relies on you. What do you think his reaction will be when he discovers that you've been having an affair with Evelyn behind his back all this time? Can you even fathom how much it will hurt him?" She stared at me, her incredulity evident. "Everything will fall apart before you even know it. Is that what you want?"
"We don't plan on telling Samuel right now," I replied, my voice filled with uncertainty, "We're waiting for the right time. I know he'll react, perhaps even overreact, which is understandable because I've made a terrible mistake. But the thing is, I can't let go of Evelyn. I'll never let her go. You just can't make me do it."
"If you truly love her, Jacob, then you
should let her go, because she stands to lose much more than you ever would, Right now, she may be blind to the consequences, but that won't last forever. We've all been therea young age where everything seems like a bed of roses until it's filled with thorns." Unbeknownst to me, her words struck me like a bolt of lightning, freezing me in place, "Anyone would come to regret it when they see that one relationship is tearing them apart from all the