Love, Milo

I hand the older lady a boutique of roses. ‘That’ll be thirteen dollars.’

She hands me the money and I turn to Jenna, my new employee, with a smile, putting the money in the cash register and shutting it. ‘See? Just like that.’

Jenna came in this morning, looking for a job, with a hopeful smile on her face. So, I gave her one. We quickly clicked, and I think that’s rare when it comes to me and other people.

‘Got it,’ Jenna says as the old lady leaves the shop, making it empty. ‘How long have you had the shop?’

I think back to when the shop first opened, Milo on my fire escape, the milk. I smile and answer with, ‘Almost two months ago.’

Blonde hair falls over, and behind her shoulders, a red pigmented lipstick that matches the roses I just gave my previous customer. Sharp jaw and cheekbones contour her face.

She’s pretty; I wouldn’t be surprised if she had guys at her heels wherever she walked.

‘That’s incredible, the progress.’ She walks around the store, sniffing and brushing her hands over my flowers.

My phone dings, and I sit in my chair, looking down at Milo’s text.

Milo: When you close the shop, meet me at my apartment. We need to talk.

My brows pinch together. He didn’t even acknowledge the picture I sent him with Jenna. Talk? Talk about what?

Me: What is it?

I twist my lip, biting down on my bottom one nervously. Scared and anxious that it’s me he wants to talk about. Us. In our new relationship, he’s become very distant recently. His smile has been strained. I don’t think he knows that I notice, but I do. He has barely even touched me since last time…

‘Everything okay?’ Jenna’s voice breaks my thoughts.

I shoot my head up, clearing my throat and blinking my eyes to get rid of the appearing tears. ‘Yeah, just… boyfriend problems.’

My phone buzzes, and I read the text.

Milo: I’ll tell you when I see you.

I shut the screen off with frustration and sigh. Jenna walks slowly towards the front desk that I sit behind.Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.

‘He’s acting weird,’ I say out loud, begging to talk to someone about this, and right now, Jenna’s ears have to suffer through my rant.

‘We’ve gotten together just last week, and things were… amazing before. But now it’s just… not the same. I’ve never felt this way about a man before, so attached… and now I’m scared that he’s just—that I’ve done something to make him not want to be with me.’

What if I’m too clingy? Or do I talk too much? Or annoy him so much he’s rethinking ever moving things further. My mind races with possibilities, and they all end in heartbreak.

Jenna looks at me with a weary expression that makes me think I have something in my teeth.

‘Look,’ she says softly. ‘God, I thought I could do this.’ The words are practically said to herself. ‘I thought—’ She grabs her hair at the roots, shakes her head, and looks at me. ‘It’s not you that’s the problem.’

I tilt my head at her, standing up. ‘What? What do you mean?’ The expression on her face scares me, eyes red like she might cry.

‘I didn’t come here to find a job,’ she sighs.

I stand still, not sure what to think or do. My hands raise, and I grab my newly installed box braids, stroking them nervously. ‘Oh… well, why are you here for then?’

‘I was sent to meet you. To get you to break up with Milo.’

‘Wha—’

‘Before you speak, please hear me out!’ She pleads before I can interject. My heart pounds in my chest. Does she know Milo? How? Who the fuck is she?

My brows rise. ‘You have five seconds to explain what the hell you’re talking about.’

She speaks quickly. ‘Milo and I are engaged— I know this might sound crazy, okay. But you have to understand—’

I turn my back towards her, and my eyes widen with disbelief and confusion at her words, a coldness shooting through my chest. This must be a dream, a funny joke being played on me. This doesn’t happen in real life. Women don’t just show up and declare themselves engaged to your boyfriend. It doesn’t happen. It can’t, and I won’t believe it.

I spin. ‘I don’t believe you.’ But she knew his name. How did she know his name? I never told her his name.

She raises her hand and shows me the large ring on her finger. An engagement ring sits dazzling on it. I step forward slowly, feeling my head begin to pound, tilting with realization.

‘You are the ex…’ I whisper, looking up at her. ‘You poked his condoms. The crazy one.’ I laugh humorlessly. ‘Why should I believe anything you tell me?’

Her lips press together, and her brows jump. ‘The crazy one. Wow. So that’s how he describes me—not surprised. I poked his condoms, yes, but I purposefully made sure he found them poked so he could try to get his father to break out arrangements. I wanted him to think I was crazy. I never wanted Milo. He never wanted me,’ she laughs. ‘I even slept with his friend, for fucks sake.’

I stare at her, my eye twitching. ‘I don’t understand,’ I shake my head. ‘You and Milo are…married? Why wouldn’t he tell me something like that? Why—’

‘No, we’re just engaged. Not that that makes things better, but it was seven years ago when his dad made him propose,’ she explains. ‘I wasn’t forced to accept it, but I did for the sake of my dad’s company—’

Someone steps into the store, and I look at the random person. ‘Store is closed for the day,’ I say a little harshly. Walking over as they slip back out, I grab the open sign and turn it closed, lowering the blinds.

My head goes light, and I sit in one of the chairs off against the walls before I fucking faint.

‘You’re engaged to my boyfriend,’ I say to myself mostly, soaking in the reality of the words, hurt and every other emotion making my heart numb of feeling.

Like my body is hollow, I should’ve expected that he was too good to be true. There are too few flaws. There had to be something.

Jenna sits next to me, and I hold back the urge to get mad, scream, kick, and yell at her because if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t even know. She’s told me before he has. He decided to date, kiss, and explore me while another had him. Real or not, it hurts.

I blink, and a tear spills from my eyes. The back of my hand comes up and wipes it away.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jenna whispers. ‘If it makes you feel any better, there was never anything romantic between us. We never even… Y’know, slept together. If I remember correctly, he didn’t even sleep with anyone before we met,’ she laughs, rambling, and my gaze turns to her. ‘It’s one of the reasons I never wanted to have sex with him. He deserved someone he cared about to take that away from him. That’s when the whole poking condoms thing came up. I have to say, not the best solution I’ve come up with.’

‘Wait,’ I say. ‘You and Milo never had… sex?’

She shakes her head. ‘We were eighteen, a virgin, and not what I was looking for. But our fathers had other plans for us clearly. Luckily, my family moved away for a few years after deals were set in stone.’

A virgin. Milo? Is that why he didn’t want to go further with me? Or is it because he knew he was engaged? What about his… toys? It was seven years ago; he’s probably had it taken away by now, right?

Too many questions flood my brain with not enough answers.

‘But you’re back here,’ I say.

‘Yeah, with a boyfriend of my own back home,’ She laughs. ‘I understand what Milo is probably feeling right now. I’m in the same situation. I’m here to end this crap agreement our fathers have going on. It’s not fair, not me, him, or you.’

I sit up, sniffling, shuffling my body towards her. ‘How will you do that? End it, I mean. Milo’s dad is…’

‘A dick, I know,’ She rolls her eyes. ‘His threats are the reason I’m here. I have an idea, but I’m sure Milo wouldn’t even be willing to head me out. Both of you would have to… give up so much.’ She looks around the shop.

I blink at her, biting my lips, willing for her to continue.

‘Move away,’ she elaborates. ‘Move out of the state, both of you. Don’t tell a soul, just… move. Of course, I’ll do my business with my boyfriend back home, and you two would go about yours. We have to get away one way or another, and trying to persuade those men isn’t going to get us anywhere.’

‘Move…’ I repeat, sitting back in my chair. ‘Like leave everything behind?’ This can’t be my life right now. How has it changed so quickly?

Jenna nods. ‘I know it’s a big deal. But it’s the only way I see things going. If I leave on my own, and if I do, I’m worried it’ll lead them to think Milo is at fault. They’ll take it out on both him and you.’

I shake my head, the image of Milo’s back flashing over my eyelids. ‘Don’t!’ I breath, touching her arm. ‘Don’t leave.’

She smiles sadly. ‘I won’t. In the meantime,’ she raises her ring off and hands it to me, ‘I don’t need this. But it’s worth a fucking shit ton, keep it, just in case.’

I nod once, slowly, staring at the beautiful ring.

Jenna’s phone rings, and she stands up, declining it. ‘I have to go,’ she hands me her phone with her number on it. ‘Put it in your phone.’ I take her number down, and she gives me a small smile, and my head races at a thousand miles an hour. ‘Don’t let it weigh too much on yourself; I’m sure he’s puking his guts knowing what he thinks you don’t.’

I swallow, looking away, and she exits the shop. Tears still spill every few seconds from my eyes as I stare at the engagement ring.

Unable to speak. Unable to do anything really but think.

Think about what I’m getting myself into. What am I willing to sacrifice for him? Milo Evans. He is a man I met not long ago, but he feels like I’ve known him for much longer.

When I look at him, my heart flips. When I’m wrapped around his arms, it gets hard to breathe.

And when he kisses me— God, those lips—my lungs collapse like a balloon losing its helium.

Am I willing to give all of that up, or willing to lose everything for it?

***

I decided to open the shop back again for the entirely of my shift. Maybe to get my mind off things, but it didn’t work.

I’m pretty sure I gave a lady too much change back once.

Now, walking through the building door, I spot Edna at the desk on the side, and she waves at me.

‘Evening, Ms. Garcia. How’s your day going?’ she asks me, pulling her reading glasses to the tip of her nose.

I push the up button on the elevator and inhale deeply. ‘Um… it’s been unexpected.’

He chuckles. ‘Not good then, huh? It seems you have that in common with Mr. Evans today,’ she grins and chuckles, and I only smile softly as the elevator door opens.

I step in and press twenty-two. The door shuts and I close my eyes, listening to the music Milo installed. Images of a large flower field play in my mind.

I’m not in a confined elevator. I’m not closed off. I’m not in a metal square; I chant to myself. I’m with flowers and—

The door pings and opens. I let go of the breath within me, stepping out and congratulating myself like every time I took that elevator. At least I’m not balled up on the floor this time.

With each step towards Milo’s door, my knees grow weaker. I haven’t told him about what Jenna told me. I can only pray this night goes well.

Knocking on his door, a bark echoes through from behind. Poppy. The German Shepard is usually about her own business most of the time, playing with her toys or sleeping, bouncing around the living room, if not the other two options.

The door opens shortly after, and behind it, Milo is revealed. ‘Quiet, girl,’ he softly orders Poppy, and she listens.

My heart speeds up at just the sight of him. The sound of his raspy voice was like he had just woken up. It ripples through my body.

But with one glance at his face, I can tell he’s been going through every emotion in the book.

His eyes are swollen and red. His hair is now fluffed in all directions, and the unbuttoned dress shirt he wears is wrinkled, untucked from his dress pants, a tie loosely hanging from around his neck. He looks like he caught a cold or has been crying his eyes out—one of the two.

‘You look like shit,’ I say with raised eyebrows.

He steps sideways and opens the door. ‘And you look as beautiful as always.’

My lips press together as my cheeks blush, stepping into his dim apartment, feeling his gaze on me when I pass him.

I turn. ‘What is it you wanted to talk about?’

He shuts the door and locks it, stepping forward and looking down at me with sad eyes. He reaches for me, and once our hands touch, he pulls me into him before completely collapsing onto my body.

I stumble back as I wrap my arms around him, his head burring into my neck and his arms tightly pinning my hips to his.

He begins to cry. Well, that’s an understatement.

Weeping probably better describes the cracks of sobs leaving his throat.

His chest shakes, and his body shivers in my hold and with being so close, I can smell the scent of alcohol that’s oozing off him.

He’s drunk, crying, and an utter mess. But my mess.

I bring a hand to his hair and stroke his wild strands, feeling his tears wet my neck.

‘I’m sorry,’ he cries. ‘I’m so sorry.’

I let him speak, guiltily wanting to hear his suffering from keeping this from me. Maybe next time, he’ll learn to speak and communicate his troubles.

‘I- I can’t lose you,’ He slurs. ‘I can’t lose my heart.’ He lifts his head and presses his forehead against mine, taking my head between his palms.

I hold back the urge to laugh or cry, whichever tears swelling my eyes are for. ‘You’re my heart, Raelynn. And I don’t want to keep secrets anymore. Never again.’

He’s starting to squish my cheeks together, causing my lips to pucker. He kisses my nose, and my eyes flutter. Then, my cheek, forehead, and back to my nose.

Tears still stream down his face, bloodshot eyes making my heart swell.

‘Don’t get angry, please?’ he says softly, pressing his forehead back onto mine. ‘I should’ve told you. I swear it means nothing to me, but still, I’m a fool for not telling you that I’m—’

‘Engaged to Jenna?’ I finish his sentence.

‘No, that I’m—’ pausing, his brows furrow. ‘Wait, what?”