Always Been You

They swam on the cove where the water was shallow and warm enough to enjoy. One time they hung out in a sailboat’s small cabin, laughing at the weather and eating a Lunch of egg salad sandwiches and barbecued potato chips she had brought along. Years later, he couldn’t eat barbecued potato chips without thinking of that day -without thinking about her.

They spent so much time together. They talked about everything. About school. About poetry. About music and movies they loved. They talked about life and death and dreams.

One day they went to their childhood favorite place. The place where she had seen him cry. The place that had become their favorite spot. They stayed out there till late in the evening, and when they decided to go back, on their way he pinned her against a tree and did the one thing he had wanted to do since he saw her again on that beach.

He pinned her against a tree and kissed the hell out of her. She gasped when he did it. But then her arms had looped around his neck and drew him closer. She had kissed him back with the same intensity.

Then he unhooked her bra and felt her up.

It was amazing.

When it came to women, Jensen had never been a man to turn tail and run the other way. He liked women. Hell, he loved them and he wasn’t the least bit shy about it.

He loved the silky feel of a woman’s hair trailing between his fingers. The softness of her skin against his lips during a deep, hot kiss. The rasp of her nails up and down his back as he plunged deep inside her body. The soft sweet, breathless sound of her voice as she begged for more.

Yeah…. He loved women all right. As thoroughly and as often as possible. And they loved him.

He never got into serious relationships. He preferred living in the moment. He loved his freedom and so he never put a name on any of his relationships.

He wasn’t ready for something serious and he didn’t want to hurt Katherine. But he could hardly control himself around her. All he had to do was touch her and both of them burned up. When he was with her didn’t seem to care about anything. He didn’t seem to care that she was his best friend’s sister. He didn’t care that he was four years older than her.

He didn’t care because when he kissed Katherine Kavell, nothing else in the whole goddamn screwed up world mattered.

He learned the true meaning of wanting a woman that month. He learned the dark side of sex. The forbidden guilt and hunger. He would lie awake at night so hard from the mere thought of her that he couldn’t sleep.

And when she would look at him in that way she did, with those big beautiful eyes, as if he knew the answers to ask the questions in the world, he felt real and alive, as if he could take on the whole world just for her.

Those had been special times, times when he had taken her in his arms and kissed her until the world melted from existence. How he had wanted her! His need had become a desperation, a narcotic that had briefly seduced him into believing that magic and miracles could exist.

Then one night at their favorite spot they kissed again -one of those intense mind blowing kisses and Katherine had wanted to go all the way. He wanted to too. So much that it hurt. But he knew what she wanted. She wanted something constant and he wasn’t sure he could give that to her. He didn’t think he was ready for a big commitment. And he knew what it meant to her if she gave herself to him. Katherine fancied herself in love with him. She had wanted a happily ever after, and there had been no such thing in the cards for him. He cared about her and he didn’t want to hurt her. Couldn’t bear to do that to her. So he had left.

He remembered her standing there, her long, dark hair hanging down her shoulders, her naked body shimmering in the moonlight. His senses had sharpened then and he had drunk in the sight of her, from the faint stirring of her hair to the goose bumps that had chased up and down her arms, to the pucker of her ripe, rosy nipples.

He had smelt the vanilla and sugar scent of her perfume. He had tasted the surprise on his own tongue and he had felt the sharp tightening of his groin. That night it had taken everything not to give in to that overwhelming urge to cross the few feet distance between them and kiss her for all he was worth.

He had wanted to.

Hell… He had wanted her. So much that it hurt.

But he had seen her heart in her eyes and he had known that taking her then and there would have meant taking a lot more than just her sweet, delectable body.

That had been the last time he had ever seen her naked. It was the last time they hung out-alone the way they used to.

She went back to school and for a while he tried to contact her, but she wanted nothing to do with him and she never picked his calls or replied to any of his texts.Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.

Then he stopped trying. He had to accept the fact that she didn’t want him in her life any more and he decided to respect her decision.

The next time he saw her she was twenty three and she was dating some guy named Mitch.

He disliked the guy immediately when he met him. In fact he hated him. He had no idea why he did though. He just did. The thought of her being with someone else pissed the hell out of him.

He knew he didn’t have any right to feel the way. He had had his chance and he had walked away. Besides he was hanging out with some girl named Erica then. And he had tried so hard to act like it didn’t bother him. But it did.