Unwanted Heat

I thought she had finally relaxed but her voice is shaky again which makes me a little concerned about what she’s going to say next. I don’t think she realizes that she has all the power in this negotiation; that whatever she asks for I will give her if it means she will agree to this new arrangement with me.

“Kenzie?” I encourage her by squeezing her hand.

“The extramarital affair clause… I want it removed.”

Okay… not at all what I was expecting. I was prepared for her to ask for a monetary settlement, some type of a weekly paycheck or something. I was not prepared for her to ask me to remove the clause I specifically put in the prenup.

“I’m not sure you understand the clause-”

“I do. The clause states that either of us can have an affair as long as it is done discretely and that the both of us have agreed that there is no chance of the press learning about the affair.”

“Yes…” Okay, she understands the clause and still wants it removed? That doesn’t make sense. I thought she would be grateful that the clause would be in there; it wouldn’t mean she had to put her love life on hold because of this arrangement.

“I’d like the clause removed,” her voice has become more confident and unlike earlier, she is now looking at me. I think now that she has gotten the words out there, she is no longer nervous. I, on the other hand, have no idea what to think. If I remove this clause, I am essentially committing myself to at least eighteen months of celibacy, possibly even longer. I may have just gone the last six months without fucking someone, but the thought of almost two years without is ridiculous.

“Kenzie… I put the clause in there specifically to benefit both of us. I’m asking you to give up a lot; I can’t ask you to give up your love life

-”

“My what?” she nearly chokes on her wine.

“Your love life-I don’t expect you to give that up for this arrangement.”

“I… I don’t have a love life, Nicholas. I told you before I never thought I would get married, so you’re not taking some dream from me.”

“If not your love life then, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your sex life for this arrangement,” perhaps if I say it bluntly she will understand the purpose of this clause.

“Before the weekend you were sick, I hadn’t been alone with a man since the night I left him. And sex… that stopped a long time before that night. You’re not asking me to give up anything in that sense. However, I understand what I’m asking you to give up by removing this clause.”

“I…”

I’m speechless. I have no idea what else she said; but if I heard her correctly she hasn’t had sex in a long time. How could that fucker not want to sleep with her? I haven’t been able to not picture fucking her since the day we first met; the only thing that stops me is knowing that she could never want what I have to offer. Well… and that it would complicate things too much between us.

“I know what I’m asking of you is a lot. Unfortunately, though, I cannot sign the prenup and agree to this arrangement if you are going to have an affair. This may not be a real marriage by any definition but I still want and expect you to be faithful to me. I understand to some guys sex is just sex, that there’s no emotional connection to the woman they are with at the time. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with sitting here in an apartment that we will be sharing while you’re out with another woman.”

“Kenzie, if you’re worried about the press, I can assure you-”

“It’s not that,” she takes a deep breath and her eyes once again find the floor; a habit I’ve noticed she does when she is nervous, scared or embarrassed about something. “My mother… she was never faithful to men and in turn, they were never faithful to her. I can remember some guy’s girlfriend showing up on our doorstep cursing out my mother because he was with her last night. Or my mother bringing home men and then having their wives call our house the next day looking for them. My childhood was a fucking mess, Nicholas-there are somethings I just can’t go back to. I know things wouldn’t be like that, but I… I just don’t think I can ever be okay with sitting here while you’re out sleeping with someone.”

“Kenzie… I….”

Fuck, I don’t know what to say. She has never spoken about her childhood to me; all I know is even before she met that dickhead, someone made her believe that she didn’t deserve to be loved. Now, she’s sitting in front of me asking me for one thing, while giving me the smallest glimpse into what her childhood was like.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, and it’s okay if you can’t agree to it. I know eighteen months or longer is a long time to ask you to go without… a woman. If you would rather just continue with our current arrangement-”

“No,” I quickly interrupt before she can finish her suggestion. Our current arrangement won’t work-that’s why I need her to agree to this new one. While I don’t like the idea of going that long without fucking a woman, I realize if this is the one contingency that Kenzie is giving me, I

need to concede. Contract negotiations are about giving and taking… I usually come out taking far more than I’m giving, but perhaps this is one time I need to give more. “If I agree to remove the extramarital affair clause, you… you would agree to this marriage?”

“I will, yes.”

I take a deep breath, mentally making a note to contact the club first thing in the morning to cancel my membership, and cross out the section of the prenup that allows for both of us to have affairs.

“I will make these changes and then send you the revised version to sign. You and I will be the only ones with copies of this document; normally I would file the contract with my legal department, but given the sensitive nature of this contract I have decided against it. I will keep my copy in the safe here in my office; I would prefer you to keep your contract in here or in a safety deposit box in a bank so that no one can gain access to it.”

“Of course… Nicholas, I appreciate you removing the clause. IFrom NôvelDrama.Org.

know-”

“Kenzie, it’s nothing. What I’m asking of you is so much more than what you are asking me to give up.”